Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed, speak, have an opinion, think, or even breathe. I'm sure you have all had them. The days where absolutely anything you do is an excuse for a verbal assault from another. An explosion of unnecessary, unprovoked, unwanted, and undeserved hostility made exponentially worse having been done in front of others.
Today's faux pas was telling my husband how to drive. This consisted of two separate remarks while we were driving to a charity event 35 minutes from our home. The first "you can do 60 now." I only mentioned it because we were already late having made two unscheduled stops for my spouse to sell a motorcycle. He was excitedly talking to me about the bike sale and didn't notice the increase in the speed limit. My second remark was "watch the guy on the bicycle." Once again he was talking with me, looking my way, and the cyclist was in our lane. Apparently that was enough to elicit a loud tirade in front of his friend that went with us. Never mind that I was deeply hurt by this. After all, it was justified. I deserved it.
One little half-hearted apology later, not in the presence of the witness, is supposed to erase all the pain. News flash! It does not. You are still hurt and sad while they think nothing more of their behavior.
At what point do we stop accepting the disrespect? If they do not see what they do as wrong, or at the least feel they had a part in the problem, what comes next? When is enough?
Sunday, April 11, 2010
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1 comments:
This can be hurtful and frustrating. There you are just trying to be helpful AND looking out for everyone's safety, and BAM! he explodes all over you. Been there - done that. Too many times too.
I feel your pain. However, you would be wise to understand that this was probably a response out of his own anger at himself for not paying attention...at least if the truth be known.
Knowing this puts you one step ahead already. The next thing to realize is that men don't necessarily "feel" things like we women do. And further, they don't want to. The only thing he is possibly feeling is pissed at himself and then, angry with you for calling him out on it. Jeez...poor guy prolly feels pretty trapped! Ha, ha, ha..good.
But, the problem is he will never "feel" the way you do about the situation. Mostly because it's against the laws of nature. He's a man - you're a woman. He will apologize and feel all better about himself and go on thinking the world is a fine and dandy place. You, on the other hand, are left with feeling "wtf?" and want your feelings verified. Sadly, I have found this rarely happens. We have to establish our own legitimacy - period.
It's okay though because WE CAN! We have to be strong in ourselves though and, be content to know what we know regardless of who else verifies it. Sorry, but that's just how it is.
It may not be fair and it's usually quite a task in carrying it out. However, for our own sake...to have peace in our hearts...we should master this strategy. I've tried it and it does work. The really tough part is making the choice to do it...afterall, I'm pissed and rightly so!
Once the choice is made...you too will go on thinking life is great and the world is a dandy place to be.
Now, all that said...what a pisser to have snapped on you; especially in the presence of someone else.
You're a woman...be smart and, don't let him get you down!
Love ya :)
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